Bullying is a horrible experience for those on the receiving end and causes so much more damage than what is visible. Bullying is defined as “the use of force, coercion, hurtful teasing or threat, to abuse, aggressively dominate or intimidate” (Wikipedia). Bullying is sadly a very common experience for children today. What once was limited to actions and comments in the classroom or during recess now has a wider reach with the proliferation of social media into our lives. Bullies don’t even have to be in the same geographical place to be able to hurt us. There is lots of research on how a child being bullied may manifest as “lower grades in school, health complaints, anxiety, depression and other mental health issues” (addictioncenter.com).
Most of us associate bullying to school aged kids. However, the negative effects from being bullied as a child often remain with us as adults. In fact, the psychological trauma from being bullied through school years can leave deep psychological scars that can be the root of problems in our adult years. Words hurt; they leave deep scars. Much of the focus on bullying is directed at how it hurts the child and sometimes how this lasts through adolescence. Evidence is showing now how these scars are carried even further through our lives. In this regard, the hurt from being bullied as a child should not be minimized as part of your past because it significantly affects who you are today in many different ways.
I am one of the many who was bullied in elementary school. I can remember the name of my biggest tormentor even though it was well over 30 years ago. He was a mean boy who delighted in making equally mean rhymes with my name and making fun of my body, what I wore, how my hair looked and even finding when I did well on a test or project as good material for his taunts. I could do nothing right and I feared crossing paths with him. I started having severe stomach aches that meant that my mom often had to come pick me up from school. I saw more than a few doctors and finally, one insightful pediatrician linked the physical issues to stress from what I was experiencing at school. As the years passed, I thought I had let go of this experience, but as I grew older I noticed that I thought less of myself than others did. I felt insecure about myself even when I lost a lot of weight and got in the best shape of my life. I still thought I was fat and ugly - words that echoed from my past. The bullying had left its mark on me, like it does on many who have similar experiences.
Bullying is an intentional act against another with the intent to scare or hurt. This could include verbal, physical, social and cyber acts against another person. It is happening at an alarming rate and is finally starting to get the attention that it deserves. In this regard, Bullying Canada reports that “at least 1 in 3 adolescent students have reported being bullied.” For many of us, the greater focus on stopping bullying has come too late since we have already had the damage done.
Links of Childhood Bullying to Mental Health in Adulthood
Psychological disorders: Those bullied as a child often have higher levels of anxiety. This includes the development of generalized anxiety disorders (GAD), panic disorders, social anxiety and depression as adults (Child Psychiatry & Human Development; JAMA Psychiatry).
Eating disorders, weight and body image issues: This impact to self esteem and body image is significant as adults navigate through relationships, defining their professional self and as they experience body changes across different stages of life (International Journal of Behavioral Development).
Relationship and trust issues: There is an exaggerated sensitivity to negative comments and cues of rejection that may support inaccurate perceptions about the motivations of others which can further give way to avoidance of social interactions. Such damage to interpersonal skills can limit social and romantic opportunities since trust can be difficult to establish (as cited on Anxiety.org).
Addictions: In hand with depression, anxiety and low self esteem those who are bullied often begin to experiment with drugs and alcohol as a means of trying to cope with feelings of helplessness (therecoveryvillage.com). Patterns of drug and alcohol and even cigarette use increase over time and become addictions which are increasingly difficult to break as adults when they become ingrained as maladaptive coping mechanisms.
Adult Bullying
There is growing awareness around bullying in the workplace and online. A phenomenon once limited to school aged years has given way to new traumas in adulthood. In Canada, occupational health and safety and labour laws put an onus on the employer to do as much as they are able to prevent injuries or workplace incidents - which includes bullying and harassment (Canadian Centre for Occupational Health & Safety). Such legislation became a necessity out of the rapid growth in toxic workplaces and the endorsement of bullying cultures in many companies.
Adult victims of bullying show the same negative outcomes such as anxiety, depression, physical complaints (headaches, stomach aches, insomnia, loss of appetite), poor self esteem, poor attention, low productivity, increased prevalence of addictions and the inability to cope with stress.
Just because you’re an adult does not mean that words and actions don’t still hurt. While it is easily said to “let it roll off your back”, negative messaging can quickly find its way into our minds - and stick there.
How Therapy Can Help
Therapy can be very helpful in identifying unhelpful thought patterns which contribute to negative feelings about ourselves and mitigate our ability to cope with stress. Being bullied as a child often comes out in the course of my work with people who come to see me because they are struggling with anxiety or depression. It is also a common theme underlying those with eating disorders and very low self esteem. These cobwebs of past bullying or the fresh hurt of adult bullying can be swept away if you’re motivated to put in the work of incorporating new strategies, forming new habits and engaging different processes. It is a lot of work in the beginning but it gets easier to the point of being automatic - and the payoff is for the rest of your life.
I can help you. Let’s work together to help you realize who you really are and to give you a brighter tomorrow!
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